Saturday, July 25, 2015

Outsider Poet Comes Inside Two More Times, Refuses To Relinquish Outsider Status

An Outsider Poet who had been spotted going inside several times last week in Scranton was at it again this week, going inside at least three times that were caught on tape.

When confronted by the Literary Police Outsider Poet Pete Dobrowski claims he was merely looking inside the building when the revolving door caught him by surprise, sweeping him inside where he felt it was only polite to read seven or eight of his poems about his cat.
But look at this shocking evidence the Momus Shrugged team has just uncovered...

Apparently Mr. Dobrowski is confused what the meaning of the word "outsider" is, as he seems to be a repeat inside offender. 

Here at Momus Shrugged we enjoy exposing the hypocrisy of the Outsider Poets. We understand why they like to go inside. That's where the buffets and free wine are. Also, if you're outside the wind often muffles your jeremiad about no one appreciating your own personal brand of suffering, and sometimes blows away the paperwork you are filling out for a federal grant. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

Painting of Oprah Winfrey's Pussy Sells To Stedman Graham For One Million Dollars

A painting of Oprah Winfrey's pussy by artist Thomas L. Vaultonburg recently sold to kept man Stedman Graham for one million dollars. When asked why he was willing to pay one million dollars for the painting, Graham answered, "I just wanted to see Oprah's pussy for once. Besides, it all comes out of my weekly allowance anyway."

Two of these men have seen a pussy. Probably even Oprah's pussy. The third is Stedman Graham. You too can see Oprah's Pussy here.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

A Week Out of Rehab, Sinkhole relapses, Swallows British MILF

Less than a week out of rehab, Sink Hole is at it again, this time swallowing a British woman as she was on her way to a porno audition. 

"She was asking for it," said a clearly intoxicated Sink Hole about Fulham resident Molly Flumoxx, better known as Buster something. Go fuck yourselves.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

We Are Not Charlie Hebdo. We Are Momus Shrugged. And He Just Did.

I should imagine the worst part of being gunned down by Muslim extremists at your workplace, assuming your workplace is the satiric magazine Charlie Hebdo, is knowing the cocksuckers from The Onion, who haven't had the balls to say anything socially relevant in twenty years are going to take it upon themselves to assume the mantle of defending satire, and the importance of free speech. What a horrible way to die.

Well, here at Momus Shrugged we don't wait for you to die at the hands of Muslim extremists to defend free speech, or say something of moment. Because at Momus Shrugged we enjoy the privilege of no one reading our work, and the secondary privilege of not giving much of a fuck if you do, we just do what we like. Like this handy one paneler our artist Tim Stotz whipped up in 2009 on Blasphemy Day. I hope you won't kill him. 

Sofa King #2. There was a number one, but I think it was also about buttfucking so it's kind of redundant. 

On the positive side: you know you're a serious satirist when they kill you. Nobody ever associated with The Onion has as much as had their hair mussed up. We can only hope.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Black Crappie Mermaid of Lake Eufaula

Black Maiden Crappie Mermaid by artist Jenny Mathews

     Crappie are, in my opinion, one of the most fun fish to catch and certainly one of the best tasting fish. They swim in large schools and are found throughout most of the U.S. and into Canada. Crappie prefer fairly warm water and are normally found in nearly all types of cover. They average 6-11" fully grown, however with enough food and cover they can reach lengths up to 17".

     One of the best setups for crappie is to use a #6 hook, a small split shot, a live minnow and a slip bobber. The slip bobber will allow you adjust for any depth while not sacrificing casting ability. Hook the minnow either through both lips or just behind the top dorsal fin.

     Crappie are found in hundreds of thousands of lakes and streams throughout the U.S. In-the-know anglers haul them in spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Anything these sunfish lack in size, they compensate for with sheer numbers and the ease with which they are caught.   

  Good eating? Absolutely. Crappie have flaky, white meat suitable for a variety of recipes. Nothing is finer than crappie fillets properly prepared and cooked.  

     This Black Crappie Mermaid is the protector of Lake Eufaula.     

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

As Ukelele Girl Trend Peters Out, Untalented But Pretty Girls Forced To Return To Stripping Careers

As the trend of cute but otherwise untalented girls who play ukeleles and sing in baby voices peters out, strip club owners are reporting a boom in women returning to the time-honored "I'm a graduate student working my way through law school" trope as an excuse to not do any work of real substance or make any effort to actually learn something meaningful in this life because they are attractive.