Thursday, February 4, 2016

Pussy Riot Members Who Refused To Blow Putin Strangely Absent From New Pussy Riot Video About the Evils of Political Imprisonment

The Pussy Riot has a new video out condemning the evils of using "Prison As a Weapon." This day the U.N. ruled that Julian Assange has been arbitrarily held for 3.5 years in Ecuador. My opinion about the former statement is implicit in my title. 

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Hillary Perfect Candidate To Remind Progressives To Remain In Broken Relationship

Hillary Clinton seems like the perfect candidate to remind Progressive voters in the Democrat party to remain in a broken relationship. They want to go. They know they should go. And the abuse that started as soon as it was taken seriously by the party establishment that many of them weren't really joking about supporting an unabashed, unapologetic Socialist candidate as the Democratic nominee seems to be getting more and more intense daily.

Democratic voters that support Bernie Sanders are similar to people who remain in abusive relationships in that the Democratic party takes them for granted, ignores their needs, and punishes them any time they even think about leaving. After however many weeks or months it takes the establishment to beat this Progressive revolution into the ground they will come back to us like any abuser apologizing that we had to be shown a lesson for our own good, and it's now in our best interest to make up, forgive and forget, and be good little boys and girls and support the party candidate.

But why? The Democratic party in many real ways that I consider significant has abandoned a large cross-section of its voters. Abandoned is too strong a word. I'll return to taken for granted. It seems like now we're in a position of waiting for a trickle down effect from our own party. A lot of people have done really well under Obama, and I am proud to have voted for him the first time. I think he repaired a lot of damage done by George W. Bush. I did not vote for him the second time, however, as my own protest. He was going to win my state, Illinois, and I wanted to cast a vote for a Jill Stein. But I was also disappointed he had left a lot of promises unfulfilled. The surveillance state is still watching our every move, we bailed out Wall Street and the auto industry and seemed to get nothing in return, Gitmo remains open, and the working and middle classes don't seem to be sharing in the robust recovery we're told has happened to the American economy.

Now Hillary promises us four more years of the same. The same what? No COLA for seniors and disabled this year. The same wars that only benefit the military/industrial complex? The same millions and millions of Americans who have no health care while we wait for a politician with enough guts to stand up to the insurance and pharmaceutical industry? The same devastation of the environment as big energy ransacks the environment? The same vampire banking industry bleeding the American worker dry? 

I don't think Hillary is the right candidate to address these problems because I think she is beholding to those interests more than she is willing to spurn them and their money in favor of doing the right thing. So, many of the issues Progressives, Liberals, even moderate Democrats consider important will probably not be solved in a Hillary Clinton administration.

By her own admission. No, we can't. We need to grow up and accept the fact that no matter what the American people want we're going to get what the people who finance her campaign want. For one, I consider being told I am an idealist and have no understanding of politics, economics, or policy insulting and condescending, but welcome to the world of the Hillary Clinton campaign.

I don't foresee a scenario where I will vote for Hillary Clinton under any circumstances. I am aware of the implications to the Supreme Court, Obamacare, and the pain cuts to social and educational programs under another Republican administration will cause in America, but I think it's time as a Progressive to plant my flag here, wish a Democratic party establishment I consider at best unresponsive to my wishes and needs good luck on their knees to corporate power, and vote my conscience.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

First Human To Read Beyond Onion Headline Reports Feeling of General Disappointment

Matt Bloodthorn, the first human being to read beyond the headline of an Onion story, reported a general feeling of dissatisfaction last Thursday to the assembled press corps of Frankfurt, Kentucky. 

Generally dissatisfied Onion reader Matt Bloodthorn

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Outsider Poet Comes Inside Two More Times, Refuses To Relinquish Outsider Status

An Outsider Poet who had been spotted going inside several times last week in Scranton was at it again this week, going inside at least three times that were caught on tape.

When confronted by the Literary Police Outsider Poet Pete Dobrowski claims he was merely looking inside the building when the revolving door caught him by surprise, sweeping him inside where he felt it was only polite to read seven or eight of his poems about his cat.
But look at this shocking evidence the Momus Shrugged team has just uncovered...

Apparently Mr. Dobrowski is confused what the meaning of the word "outsider" is, as he seems to be a repeat inside offender. 

Here at Momus Shrugged we enjoy exposing the hypocrisy of the Outsider Poets. We understand why they like to go inside. That's where the buffets and free wine are. Also, if you're outside the wind often muffles your jeremiad about no one appreciating your own personal brand of suffering, and sometimes blows away the paperwork you are filling out for a federal grant. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

Painting of Oprah Winfrey's Pussy Sells To Stedman Graham For One Million Dollars

A painting of Oprah Winfrey's pussy by artist Thomas L. Vaultonburg recently sold to kept man Stedman Graham for one million dollars. When asked why he was willing to pay one million dollars for the painting, Graham answered, "I just wanted to see Oprah's pussy for once. Besides, it all comes out of my weekly allowance anyway."

Two of these men have seen a pussy. Probably even Oprah's pussy. The third is Stedman Graham. You too can see Oprah's Pussy here.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

A Week Out of Rehab, Sinkhole relapses, Swallows British MILF

Less than a week out of rehab, Sink Hole is at it again, this time swallowing a British woman as she was on her way to a porno audition. 

"She was asking for it," said a clearly intoxicated Sink Hole about Fulham resident Molly Flumoxx, better known as Buster something. Go fuck yourselves.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

We Are Not Charlie Hebdo. We Are Momus Shrugged. And He Just Did.

I should imagine the worst part of being gunned down by Muslim extremists at your workplace, assuming your workplace is the satiric magazine Charlie Hebdo, is knowing the cocksuckers from The Onion, who haven't had the balls to say anything socially relevant in twenty years are going to take it upon themselves to assume the mantle of defending satire, and the importance of free speech. What a horrible way to die.

Well, here at Momus Shrugged we don't wait for you to die at the hands of Muslim extremists to defend free speech, or say something of moment. Because at Momus Shrugged we enjoy the privilege of no one reading our work, and the secondary privilege of not giving much of a fuck if you do, we just do what we like. Like this handy one paneler our artist Tim Stotz whipped up in 2009 on Blasphemy Day. I hope you won't kill him. 

Sofa King #2. There was a number one, but I think it was also about buttfucking so it's kind of redundant. 

On the positive side: you know you're a serious satirist when they kill you. Nobody ever associated with The Onion has as much as had their hair mussed up. We can only hope.