Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Improperly Labeled Roundabout Causes Halt In Heroin Consumption In Rockford, Illinois

The Main and Auburn Street Roundabout opened early Monday morning, and by 10 a.m. the city had ground to a complete standstill.  Crime bosses nationwide were calling the mayor's office to ask why heroin consumption had plummeted suddenly. The mayor was forced to confide that Rockfordians were just too damn stupid to negotiate the roundabout. 

Towing efforts began in the early afternoon, and a city spokesman said work will begin immediately to return the buildings and two lanes of smothering traffic the citizens of Rockford had come to love to hate. The 10.2 million dollar project has now become a 20.4 million dollar project, and work is expected to be completed in 2015. Meanwhile, the mayor's office recommends citizens look into alternate forms of transportation like astral projection.

Friday, April 12, 2013

I Am Momus

What if the gods didn't care about morality at all?

What if all the gods cared about was that you didn't bore the hell out of them?

Aeons and aeons being forced to watch this farce, and all you want is to see someone, anyone, do something original, interesting, or even slightly taboo.

Please, break the rules. If I see one more pious human trying to buy their way into heaven by restraining the very desires and appetites I took such pains to instill in them 

Deride me. Mock me. Cast your frustrations and shortcomings upon me.

Have other gods before me. I have other things to do anyway. Your worship adds nothing to me, and your negligence takes nothing away from me.

Ignore my few admonitions. I am amused by the consequences of your hubris. 

I am Momus. Humor is an absolute defense.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Cloudy Syphilitic Piss Mistaken For Award Winning Beer At Prestigious Festival

Cloudy Syphilitic Piss was mistaken for an award-winning craft beer at last Friday's "Greater Scranton Amateur Beer Awards," but before the hoaxster was revealed, several hundred people had already agreed the heady brew was the belle of the beer bash. Hoaxster Tristan Fellows claims his now world famous beer was discovered quite accidentally. "I got syphilis from this batshit nuts chick at the gym," Fellows confessed, "and one night I was too lazy to get up from my Call of Duty game, so I just whipped it out and pissed in this Scooby Doo collector's glass my roommate had gotten with his Happy Meal at Wendy's. A few minutes later he came out of his bedroom and drank it by accident. He thought it was so good I didn't have the heart to tell him it was my urine." 

But beer experts at the festival didn't seem to care they were drinking piss. "It's slightly fishy, but lively, and 
has a faint undertone that reminds me of my wife's pussy," said one expert taster (standing next to a woman who looked like a batshit nuts gym rat). By the end of the night all formality had been abandoned, and hipsters and Yuppies alike were paying Fellows upwards of twenty dollars to piss in their mouths.

The pretentious jerkoffs need more beer. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

How We Vote In Rockford, Illinois

     Had to wake the registrar up. He said "Oh, that's today?" I said, "Ya." He opened up the building, dusted off the voter registry, confirmed I did indeed exist, then gave me a ballot. I said "Uh, this is a ballot for the 1952 Presidential election." He said "You're right, kid." Eventually we both just got drunk and he gave me a sticker so I could pretend like I voted. And that's how we vote in Rockford, Illinois.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Pussy Riot Victimized Not By Russian Oppression, But By Bi-Annual Laws That Prohibit American Trendsters From Caring About More Than Two Issues Simultaneously

Russian punkers Pussy Riot saw the writing on the wall this week when American trendsters hopped aboard the gay marriage bandwagon. 

Knowing Facebook and Twitter laws prohibit Americans from caring about more than two bandwagon celebrity causes per year, the rockers grimly resigned themselves to a several more years of bad food and prison rape.

"I guess we sort of had it coming," Pussy Riot singer Katya Samutsevich said. "For what we did to SOPA. We knew the Americans weren't capable of supporting two celebrity causes simultaneously, so it was either gay marriage or freedom of speech." 

Maybe later in the year, ladies. I'd probably work on those pics, though, if you want to be taken seriously.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Outsider Poet Comes Inside, But Refuses To Relinquish Outsider Status

Outsider poet Henry Wolfsburg came inside several times last Friday evening during an open mic reading for Outsider Poets in Butte, Montana, but refused to subsequently turn in his Outsider poet membership card, as organizational by- laws require.

Three Outsider poets who remained outside in inclement conditions despite being asked several times to come in and warm their hands said "This is bullshit."

This reporter contacted the head of the Outsider Poetry Association of America, Nigel Higgenbothen, but his phone calls were not returned.

Wolfsburg admitted to stepping inside the Ambivalent Goat tavern twice. Once to pee, and another time to see what time it was, but he claims never considered reading a poem.

But Outsider purist Courtney Starkfield isn't buying it. "He knew damn well the first step inside The Goat voided his membership in the Outsider Poetry Association of America." 

Seventeen poets took place in the reading that night. All have been given thirty days to find another organization to join.

Monday, March 18, 2013

City Of Rockford Officials Shocked That In Addition To Being Considered Fat, Stupid, and Violent, They're Also Not Funny

Members of the Rockford Area Convention and Visitors Bureau were shocked to discover that in addition to their city being considered fat, stupid, and violent by the national media, their Misery Loves Company campaign has also branded them as unfunny. 

"My wife thinks I'm really funny," said the head of the Visitor's Bureau. "My great Uncle Bernie performed in the early days of Vaudeville," said the Chairman. "Right there in the Midway Theater," The Chairman accentuated his remark by pointing out the window to the historic Midway Theater, whose roof collapsed last March and still has not been replaced. 

But immediately sensing he had been caught in yet another blunder the Chairman quickly shifted ground: "Cheap Trick, Cheap Trick, Cheap Trick..."

This reporter could hear the Chairman repeating the words "Cheap Trick" over and over as he descended the stairs of The Rockford Area Convention and Visitors Bureau and took to the mean streets of Rockford.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Rockford, Illinois Changes Tourism Slogan To "How About a Pity Fuck?"

The beleaguered city of Rockford, Illinois, rated America's third most miserable city by Forbes Magazine, has changed its Tourism slogan from the botched Misery Loves Company to Rockford: How About a Pity Fuck?

Rockford, known for wasting 2.5 million dollars on this piece of shit sculpture no one ever liked and plopping it down in the middle of the blighted city's formerly economically vital epicenter, recently approved $100,000 tax dollars to launch the equally idiotic Misery Loves Company tourism campaign.

No further joke necessary.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Women demand More Input On Selection of Pope, Are Asked To bring Cardinals Sammiches

Many women's groups spoke out today that women should be more involved in the selection of the next Pope.

The Cardinals agreed and immediately sent the maid out for sammiches.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Illinois Proposes Removing Polling Places From Schools and Into Churches So Priests Can Have Equal Shot At Fresh Meat

A new proposal in the Illinois House would prohibit election polling places from being in public schools for fear of exposing children to sex offenders, and would move them to safer locations like Catholic churches so priests can get an equal shot at the fresh meat. 

Sadly, I don't even have the brainpower to make something that fucking stupid up so here's the story from WIFR in Rockford.

Single, unemployed, and ready to mingle.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Sinkhole Apologizes For Swallowing Florida Man, Claims Sex Addiction

The sink hole that swallowed a Florida man earlier this week apologized to the man's family and admitted in a tearful press conference that he is a sex addict. 

"I feel really bad about this, you know," SinkHole said to the assembled presses of the world. Answering a question from The Sinkhole Enthusiast as to whether SinkHole would seek treatment for its sex addiction, SinkHole replied "It's really hard to find a good program and work the steps when you're, you know, a geological phenomenon" SinkHole responded. 

What next, SinkHole, what next?

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Rest of Universe Sues NASCAR Fans For Damages

In a shocking twist of events bordering on improbability, but certainly crossing over the line of incredulity, the rest of the Universe has countersued the fans injured at last weeks' race at Daytona Speedway that are suing NASCAR.

"They showed a brazen lack of judgement that has resulted in great pain and suffering to those of us in the Universe who are not toothless morons," said Alexander Surestuff, attorney for The People of the Universe v Fans Injured In Race At A Speedway Where Two Ton Vehicles Travel At 200 Miles Per Hour Literally Feet In front of Your Face.

Good luck, Mr. Surestuff. I await my check.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Distribution of Mindy McCready Sex Tape Halted, But Only Because No One Wanted To See It

Distribution of the Mindy McCready sex tape was halted by Vivid Video earlier today, but only because no one wanted to see it.

"We got ten, eleven boxes of it out in anticipation," Vivid Distribution Manager Max Weiner told Momus Shrugged. "We waited and waited, but no orders came in. It's not so much that we halted distribution, as has been reported, we just got tired and decided to go home.  The guys really got hungry and I didn't think it was important to keep them away from their food anymore." 
Mindy McCready.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Meteor Melts Edward James Olmos' Face

The meteor that recently passed over Russia melted actor Edward James Olmos' face. He was warned not to look up, but ignored the advice and this happened...

Filming of Olmos' latest movie, The Man Whose Face Was Melted By a Meteor was halted so another star with a slightly less melted face could replace him.

Friday, February 15, 2013

NASA Builds Rocket Ship To "Find God," Gets Republican Endorsement

NASA spokesperson Peter Argent announced Tuesday the space agency's next mission would be to build a rocket ship to find God. Specifically the Christian, non-Baptist God who lives far, far away. Republican members of Congress immediately proposed a one trillion dollar increase in NASA's budget. Argent went on to unveil the design of the proposed rocket. It looked a little bit like this...

Upon seeing the design, Republican representative Zeke "Festus" Boone of Kentucky inquired whether the flames were appropriate considering this would be the first time God would be seeing the handywork of His most special creations. When Boone was told the flames made the rocket ship go faster and therefore would get to God sooner he clapped his hands thusly...

NASA plans to spend $1.98 on the obviously non-functional rocket ship, then ply the Republican members with cartoons of Marvin the Martian while they use the other $999,999,999, 998 to improve humanity by exploring our Universe both inner and outer. 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Move Over Dung Beetle, Typhaeus Momus Is Coming Through

There are over 350,000 identified species of beetle. In comparison, there are only 250,000 species of identified plants. Which begs one question...

Who ordered all these damn beetles?

I don't really, I just felt the need to state one thing that was a fact before I showed a picture of...

The male Typhaeus momus beetle. I guess some entomologist either ran out of names for the 350,000 different species, or was trying to be a smartass by naming a beetle after the god of sarcasm. Here at Momus Shrugged we like that.

Monday, February 11, 2013

For Every Momus There's a Euphome

Hater is the word from modern vernacular to describe someone who doesn't like something. It doesn't matter what it is, if you don't like it, you're a hater. 

Well, Momus was the original hater. He hated everything. He was like Mikey. 

Nothing pleased Momus, the demigod of mockery, blame, ridicule, scorn, complaint and stinging criticism. He was expelled from heaven for ridiculing the gods. 

We don't know if the demigod Momus looked at all like this dufus who also calls himself Momus, but it seems fitting. We do know from the Hesiod that Momus was a son of Nyx, begat of no one.

Hesiod, Theogony 211 ff (trans. Evelyn-White) (Greek epic C8th or C7th B.C.) :
"And Nyx (Night) bare hateful Moros (Doom) and black Ker (Violent Death) and Thanatos (Death), and she bare Hypnos (Sleep) and the tribe of Oneiroi (Dreams). And again the goddess murky Nyx, though she lay with none, bare Momos (Blame) and painful Oizys (Misery), and the Hesperides . . . Also she bare the Moirai (Fates) and the ruthless avenging Keres (Death-Fates) . . . Also deadly Nyx bare Nemesis (Envy) to afflict mortal men, and after her, Apate (Deceit) and Philotes (Friendship) and hateful Geras (Old Age) and hard-hearted Eris (Strife)."

We also know only one thing or person in this entire cosmos was without defect to Momus...

The goddess Aphrodite. And since we know from her many vices and flaws of character that she was far from perfect we have good reason to question Momus' judgement as the arbiter of what is or is not worthy or mockery. Nonetheless, a gadfly in the hall of the gods working on no one in particular's behalf to take the gods down a peg is in and of itself a worthy endeavor. Hate on, Momus. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Rest In Peace, Ian Shallowbottom

Lead singer of the band Chet Retorted, Ian Shallowbottom, was killed in a one car accident late last Saturday when a 1978 Fiat fell on his head.

"It's just the sort of stage trick you do a million times," explained a noticeably regretful Lem Cranston, the Retort's stage manager, "you just get a little nonchalant one time and..."

When asked if The Retort (as they are known by their fans) would pull out of the Mildly Dirty But Still Largely Usable Utensils Tour, Retort publicist Katarina Burger said "Probably not, Ian wasn't very talented or well liked. We'll probably just replace him."

Rest in peace, Ian Shallowbottom

Friday, February 8, 2013

United Press Universal Not Non-Existent As Previously Thought

In what could be an ironic turn of events yesterday, UPU (United Press Universal) spokesperson Yuri "Slap" Frederickson reported that the news agency never closed operations twenty years ago as many thought, and has indeed been cranking out news reports these last twenty years, but no one has been reading them. 

"Yes, 250 reporters work here everyday" Frederickson stated yesterday at a news conference attended only by one reporter from the Saskatoon Stampeder.

Reporter Dan Musgrave explained the hardest part of his day these past twenty years has been when he leaves the house every day his wife holds up the Universal sign for air quotes and says "going to work, honey?"

When asked if UPU intends to do a better job promoting the fact that they still exist in the future, Frederickson said "probably not." 

UPU reporters sweating it out in the bullpen.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Writer of Shatapatha Brahmana Steps Forward To Apologize For Embarrassing Pi Error

The writer of the 9th century BCE Indian tome, the Shatapatha Brahmana, Cedric "Cornbread" Johnson, stepped to a podium in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, Thursday to apologize for his egregious miscalculation of Pi those 30 centuries ago.

"I'm not sure what I was thinking, Johnson stated, but 339/108 seemed to make sense to me at the time. I'm so sorry."

Johnson was then escorted out of the building by several members of the math police. He probably looks something like this.

The Life of Pi

Monday, February 4, 2013

Richard III Deserves the Ray Lewis Treatment

After 500 years the bones of one of history's greatest villains, Richard III have been unearthed under a parking lot, and I've seen many people commenting that this should be the impetus to give Richard III a chance to rescue his reputation from the rogues gallery of history. There must be some sort of statute of limitations on murdering pretty much you ever met, right? 

Well, if recent history can be used as a barometer of the public's willingness to forgive scumbags, I'd say Richard III has a pretty good shot of being nominated as a saint by week's end. Let's just take a random example. I'll pick someone out of nowhere, like...

We know Ray Lewis is a Patriot.

And we know he's a devout man. What's a little bit of mayhem along the way? I say the same thing about Richard III. Murder a few nephews here and there and history gives you the brush off. I say Richard III was framed. Well, I don't say he was framed, I'm just saying if ten years is sufficient for a lot of people to forget Ray Lewis is basically human sewage, then 500 years should do similar wonders for one of history's biggest asswipes. Here's a picture of Richard III saying something about a horse...

My kingdom for a chiropractor. Thank you, I'll be here all week. 

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Don't Go Swimming With the Toten Corps

Listen, who am I to tell you what to do. I'm just a simple schlub with a magical penis and great hair, but I do have one word of advice for you. Don't go swimming with the Toten Corps. 

As it turns out, dead Nazis are much better swimmers than you would expect. Probably part of the same program that yielded so many manly woman Olympic swimmers. And they got plenty of practice with the being dead part, too. Ken Wiederhorn's 1977 dead Nazi classic Shock Waves is exhibit A as to why you should never go swimming with dead Nazis less than hour after eating. But there is further proof.

Even in a state of less than aliveness Nazis are pretty good at chasing tail, even underwater, as this scene from Zombie Lake demonstrates. My advice is don't swim with them. Because they're fucking dead. And they're Nazis. 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Tricks of the Devil Like Breath Mints

Breath mints. I can't remember the last time I used one. Sometimes I'll forget to brush my teeth then have to conduct some sort of business in close quarters, but fortunately in those circumstances I'm usually dealing with someone beneath my social station and don't give much of a duck's rectum if they find my breath offensive or not. 

I wonder if Ray Lewis has bad breath. he seems nicely groomed when i seeing him saying things in post game press conferences. My guess is he pays attention to the details of social etiquette like keeping his breath fresh. The only conceivable trip up I can imagine is if he mistook his Binaca spray for deer antler spray. It has supposedly anabolic properties. But I imagine it smells rather rank. 

The Super Bowl is just two days from now. The hardest part of the wait is the pre-game show, because no matter how long you wait to turn on the television hoping to avoid the show it's still right in the middle of the show. I have Colin Kaepernick in a keeper league and I'm excited about his future in the NFL so I hope he does well. I really thought he was going to lay an egg in one of the high pressure games he has been in and people would start yelling for Alex Smith to replace him, but Alex Smith can't win a game for you. 

So, I'm hoping for a Niners win on Sunday, which virtually assures we'll be doing a word count on how many time Ray Lewis says the word "god" in the post game interview.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Supposedly Bad Dudes From The Bad Dudes Video Game Don't Look Very Bad At All

I never played the Bad Dudes video game, probably because the two main characters looked like gay twin Joe Piscopos. Sure, they have muscles, but somehow those muscles don't inspire fear in me. They look like those popcorn muscles Brandon Marshall accused Miami linebacker Joey Porter of having. I was a Contra man myself. In fact, the National Gamers Hall of Fame recently named me the greatest Contra player of all time

Bad Dudes, Bad Dudes, what ya gonna do?

There's also a movie based on the Bad Dudes video game. Apparently it star Jean-Claude Van Damme as both bad dudes. I feel like this is a clever premise, but sort of cuts Van Damme's bad dudeliness in half. In my opinion Mr. T should have played the role of the second bad dude.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Time Traveling Penis Webseries Renewed For a Second Season

Rumors that The Time Traveling Penis webseries has been renewed are true. Will we learn the origin and the true identity of TTTP in Season 2? Who knows. Will the Time Traveling Penis' arch enemy The Asshole finally make an appearance? I'm not sure. The truth is the penis was involve in an accident and is now stained with soy sauce or some brown sort of gravy and I'll have to buy another dildo if I want to create more  episodes. They say you can't change Dicks midstream, and after what happened on Bewitched I'm the last person who wants to be responsible for a dick switch like that, but maybe I'll throw an iron Man twist in their and the TTTP will get a dildo upgrade. 

I've wanted a Super 8 camera since I was a teenager, so maybe I'll buy a camera and shoot The Time Traveling Penis on film. Maybe inertia will prevent me from doing anything at all. I do have to get out in this snow and go to the bank, however.

The Time Traveling Penis. I have no idea how to get whatever stain that is off of a  pink, latex dildo. Maybe I can paint it. Maybe I'll get some Comet cleanser out and scrub it. Maybe I'll just do the world a favor and cancel the webseries.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Rockford Transit Token

I bought one of these Rockford transit tokens on Ebay last week. No particular reason, I just liked the style  of it. I doubt they'd let me get on the bus with one of these anymore. I do ride the bus occasionally. It costs $1.50 now. In fact, one summer I rode the bus quite a bit and wrote a bunch of poems for children. That was 2007. I used to have some good success writing poems in the truck when I did appliance delivery. Something about the motion of the vehicle, especially when you're not driving, is good for the writing process. 

Rockford transit token

Monday, January 28, 2013

Pool of Radiance: The Pyramid of Yarash

I played Pool of Radiance again over Christmas because I had some time on my hands. I play it every twenty years or so and intend to play it again ten years from now. I think I'll be safe playing it in ten years because even now a month later I barely remember what happened. One of the more interesting adventures you'll come across in Pool of Radiance is this pyramid on an island. You'll quickly figure out a teleporter is involved. So you'll want to be mapping. 

Get yourself several sleeves of those fun size candy bars because you'll be in here a couple of hours. The upshot of the pyramid is you'll find a laboratory where a cat named Yarash is performing experiments on various creatures and character races to create a mutant army. I'll leave it up to you to find Yarash, but after you defeat him make sure you claim your treasure by 

19 - Teleporter

The teleporter will take you to #19a-#19d (see #18). #19a is a one-way teleporter that you can use to quickly get out of the pyramid. #19b-d are two-way teleporters that you can use to get to treasure rooms. If you search in the treasure rooms, then you'll find lots of treasure: 

#19b: a magic user scroll, a broad sword +1, and a long sword +1 

#19c: a voulge +2, a bastard sword +1, and splint mail +1 

#19d: a long sword +2, a magic user scroll, and a ring of fire resistance 

For some reason I found this adventure more challenging than Valhingen Graveyard, but probably only because I'm rather adept at fighting the undead, whereas spatial intelligence just isn't my thing. 

Why You Shouldn't Shop At Walmart, Unless You Have Jock Itch

I wrote a blog today about the evils of shopping at Walmart. Shortly after that I went to Walmart to shop at Walmart. 

They has a bin overflowing with remedies for everything from the droop to jock itch, and since I occasionally struggle with the funguses I bought a bunch of Clotrimazole and Hydrocortisone. 88 cents each. I remember one time when I had no health insurance a doctor that had been treating my family for two generations prescribed me Hydrocortisone for a nasty irritation I had. And he, the pharmacist, and the entire industry allowed me to pay fifty dollars of money I didn't have for a product that was selling two aisles over for two dollars. So, in this lifetime it's usually impossible to figure out who the biggest cocksucker is in any situation. There's never a shortage. I feel guilty about shopping at Walmart. But I like 88 cents antifungal ointments.

Alan Ormsby's Poster For Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Alan Ormsby's poster for the re-release of my favorite movie, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things is one of my favorite movie posters. I was fortunate enough to snag it at a nice price one late night on Ebay as soon as it was listed. I'm also looking for a first printing of the Scholastic Book he wrote about monster make up for kids. 

1974 Europix Promotional Poster For Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Alaska State Troopers

Every time I see a commercial for the show about Alaska State Troopers on National Geographic I have the same initial reaction: "How interesting can a show about state troopers in Alaska be?" Then I realize it's an entire state populated by gun nuts, fugitives from the law, drunken Native Americans, and every type of whacko who wants to engage in whatever deviant behavior flicks their Bic without anyone stopping them. I suspect being a state trooper in Alaska may be one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. You never know who or what you're rolling up on. In the episode I saw they broke up a drunken college party and investigated a severed hand that turned out to be a bear's paw. 

Plus you'd get to work  with hot chicks. Overall, I think it would be an ok job. 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law Drinks a Tab Cola

I love Tab Cola. I remember my uncle Morris used to mix it with his rum when he and my dad would get blasted after work. Often if he was getting a good buzz on he didn't hardly even use any of the Tab Cola and would let me have one. Then he'd tell stories about sailors getting their schmeckels scrubbed out with a wire brush after a brush with a Polynesian transvestite. I didn't know Harvey Birdman was also a fan of Tab Cola. Maybe he was in the Navy when he was younger.

Then Tab Cola disappeared from the market. Something about cancer in rats. I don't know why they were drinking it in the first place but they ruined it for everyone. Then I moved to Chicago in the middle of winter one year. Actually I moved to Evanston and one day I walked into the Dominick's on Chicago and there it was...

No, not some hairy lech creeping out all the chicks at the beach

Tab Cola. Nectar of the gods. At least the gods of cynicism, pessimism, and derision. I used to get on the redline there across from Dominick's and get off in Wrigleyville and drink. One of the bars I liked was called Sluggers. I liked it because Sluggers was also the name of one of the ten or so bars I'd been fired from in my bartending "career." I got so blasted one night I got lost after I got off the redline and stumbled into a cemetery there and since there was an icy rain freezing me to the bone I tried to break in to one of the crypts, but found them all well fortified against trespass by drunken maniac poets such as myself. I think I got "home" that night, but I'm not sure. For all I know I might still be there but it seems unlikely.  But besides the Tab Cola they also had these Maruchan Won Ton soup cups that I became addicted to. Then they discontinued those as corporations are wont to do when i fall in love with an item. 

Please bring back Maruchan oriental flavor won ton soup or I'll be forced to resort to ghoulish behavior again.

Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls

Why have ghouls never gotten their due? They eat human flesh, just like zombies. The word "ghoul" is fun to say. Try it. They've been around a long time in the shadows of more glamorous monsters like vampires, werewolves, zombies, just waiting for their shot to step into the spotlight. But nothing. 

I blame the monsterarchy. Keeping ghouls down. Even the Creature From the Black Lagoon gets more respect than your average ghoul. 

Quick, name three movies about ghouls. 

There's Ghoulies. Then there's Ghoulies 2. Then there's Ghoulies 3 (if they made a Ghoulies 3) Then there's...

The Ghoul(1975) starring Peter Cushing. A good movie, yes, but hardly anyone has ever seen it. If you want ghouls may I suggest The Monster Club, a 1981 horror anthology where the third story is all about, you guessed it... 

Ghouls! As drawn by artist John Bolton. The third and final story in the Monster Club is about a village of ghouls that...

Well, you shall see, you shall see.