Friday, February 8, 2013

United Press Universal Not Non-Existent As Previously Thought

In what could be an ironic turn of events yesterday, UPU (United Press Universal) spokesperson Yuri "Slap" Frederickson reported that the news agency never closed operations twenty years ago as many thought, and has indeed been cranking out news reports these last twenty years, but no one has been reading them. 

"Yes, 250 reporters work here everyday" Frederickson stated yesterday at a news conference attended only by one reporter from the Saskatoon Stampeder.

Reporter Dan Musgrave explained the hardest part of his day these past twenty years has been when he leaves the house every day his wife holds up the Universal sign for air quotes and says "going to work, honey?"

When asked if UPU intends to do a better job promoting the fact that they still exist in the future, Frederickson said "probably not." 

UPU reporters sweating it out in the bullpen.

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