Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Improperly Labeled Roundabout Causes Halt In Heroin Consumption In Rockford, Illinois

The Main and Auburn Street Roundabout opened early Monday morning, and by 10 a.m. the city had ground to a complete standstill.  Crime bosses nationwide were calling the mayor's office to ask why heroin consumption had plummeted suddenly. The mayor was forced to confide that Rockfordians were just too damn stupid to negotiate the roundabout. 

Towing efforts began in the early afternoon, and a city spokesman said work will begin immediately to return the buildings and two lanes of smothering traffic the citizens of Rockford had come to love to hate. The 10.2 million dollar project has now become a 20.4 million dollar project, and work is expected to be completed in 2015. Meanwhile, the mayor's office recommends citizens look into alternate forms of transportation like astral projection.

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