Saturday, April 16, 2016

Man Who Took Second Bath of Week Reports Feeling "Masculine As Hell"

Late this afternoon Mattoon, Illinois resident Thomas Falconcastle emerged from the second of two baths he has taken this week reporting he was feeling "masculine as hell." 

"I think the lavender mineral oils the kids got me for my birthday have really put me in a good head space," he told WDXR reporter Claudia Tungstun. He then went on to intimate our television crew was encroaching on an impending sexual encounter with his wife Jenny Vandenhovel.

"I've got enough for everyone, especially after that second bath, but it just doesn't feel right," the masculine man who had taken a second bath in one calendar week said before asking us to turn off our equipment so he could turn on his.