Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Children's Book Author Doesn't Seem To Give a Fuck Anymore

After discovering that his seventh book would also be a flop, failed poet turned children's book author Thomas L. Vaultonburg decided that he didn't give a fuck anymore and started scribbling about feces and urination on the walls of a major American museum.

But instead of being arrested, his scribbling were turned into an art show that will run through October 1st.

Did the bold move lead to a slow golf clap that turned into a grudging admiration from his detractors and brisk sales at Amazon?


It led to him sitting on a couch in his apartment listening to Kate Jackson shriek at the end of Night of Dark Shadows and being too damn lazy to get up and turn down the volume. 

"I hadn't updated my failed satire blog Momus Shrugged in several months," Vaultonburg said through his persona Liberace Wilson, "and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone by writing about the time I had a show at a museum in a major American city where I wrote about shit and piss on the walls and no one except two dorks from a local morning show even found it vaguely interesting that I got away with doing that."

At nearly fifty, Vaultonburg now feels his creative spirit largely crushed, as his 5th, 7th, and 9th grade teachers predicted it would be. Even his hopes of inspiring at least one child were quashed as not a single child went away impressed in the least.

When asked what he plans to do next the failed poet said "Probably watch C.H.U.D. 2 and make some popcorn."

Atrocious Poems A To Z 

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Invisible Putin Shows Up At Inauguration Demanding Hand Job From trump

Who says the trump inauguration lacked star power? An invisible Vladimir Putin showed up by surprise, demanding the first of many handies he and trump had agreed to in exchange for helping rig the American election.