Thursday, July 26, 2018

The Time Traveling Penis Is Muerto

It is with deep sadness that I must announce the passing of The Time Traveling Penis. He was just a dong who wanted nothing more than to travel history righting wrongs before they happened. He was lost over the Sea of Japan. His plane spiraled in. There were no survivors. Please honor the passing of a great American hero by commemorating the time he stopped Skeletor from making a catastrophic mistake.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Getting Banned By These Gwats For Writing the Perfect Joke Is An Honor

subreddit message via /r/funny[M] sent 2 years ago
you have been banned from posting to /r/funny.
you can contact the moderators regarding your ban by replying to this message. warning: using other accounts to circumvent a subreddit ban is considered a violation of reddit's site rules and can result in being banned from reddit entirely.

Bitches, I was banned from funny a long time ago, but I see you're not banned from self-righteous, self-appointed, and self-proclaimed guardian of all that is worthy of being seen by other people brigade.

from Nordoisthebest via /r/humor sent 2 years ago

I thought the Oprah joke was perfect.

It sort of was. Oprah Winfrey's Pussy 

You have been banned from the Universe

I also think Wikipedia editors are just the bees knees

Dr. Evazan: He doesn't like you.
Luke Skywalker: Sorry.
Dr. Evazan: I don't like you either! You just watch yourself! We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.
Luke Skywalker: I'll be careful.

Dr. Evazan: You'll be dead!

Well, I've got the shadowban on twenty-nine planets, amigo, and I'll still be going to my friend Brett's to watch The Royal Rumble tonight, and drinking a Blue Moon I bought with my own money, so go take a flying shit in the rain.